SHAME ON YOU: Putting down the heaviest weight!
As I reflect on the innocent curiosity of my childhood, the question "What do you want to be when you grow up?" echoes through the corridors of memory, a relentless reminder of the past me(s) I hid. In my tender years, I danced between professional aspirations and big dreams like a butterfly flitting from one flower to another, each answer a fleeting attempt to mask the tumultuous storm raging within. You see, behind the facade of changing aspirations lay a silent struggle, one that began to take root in my mind as early as seven. It was then, amidst the carefree days of youth, that the chilling whispers of “you don’t deserve to be here” complimented with suicidal ideations first crept into my consciousness, a sinister companionship that would haunt me for years to come.
My childhood, a tapestry woven with threads of trauma, from the wreckage of my parents' battle with addiction to the tumultuous journey of accepting the abandonment that led to my adoption, each chapter of my story was marred by the cruel hand of adversity. Verbal, physical, sexual, emotional, and mental abuse became unwelcome guests at the table of my existence, casting a long shadow over any happiness that was presented my way. I truly thought and believed that I was fucked up and did not INTRINSICALLY deserve love and safety, and THAT IS SHAME. Shame is a powerful and painful emotion characterized by a deep sense of inadequacy, unworthiness, or disgrace about oneself. Shame involves a more pervasive belief that one is fundamentally flawed or unworthy as a person. Shame is a relentless critic that convinces you that you're inherently messed up and unworthy of love or acceptance. It's that nagging voice that tells you that you don't belong, that you're not wanted just as you are. This toxic belief seeps into every relationship, poisoning your sense of self and separating you from your authenticity. It's the ultimate betrayal of your being, teaching you to feel bad about simply existing.
... so you turn your inner light off.
... so you hide.
... so you stay quiet.
... so you lie.
... so you pretend.
... so you escape.
... so you cope.
... so you try and die...
Unraveling the grip of shame became my emancipation, the key to unlocking my chains lay in comprehending and then delving into the depths of shame, but it felt like reclaiming stolen moments of childhood bliss. As I sifted through memories, I began to speak to myself with newfound conviction: "Raven, you deserve love and safety." I had to accept that I did not get what I deserved and needed in childhood to thrive, but merely just to survive. I had to sit in the truth of my story and reject anyone who was trying to stop me from liberating myself. From childhood until now I have conquered so much and to say that now when life’s weight feels so heavy I don’t result in self-harm, including how I am thinking about myself most importantly. I am proud. It took so much work to get to this place but it was evidence that the work I was doing internally was working. I no longer need external validation or experiences to affirm that I am worthy of love or safety. It was a journey of self-discovery and redemption, a testament to the indomitable resilience of the human spirit.
Rejecting shame and embracing the truth of our experiences is not about blaming others or projecting shame onto them. It's about reclaiming your story, your healing, and making it all about you. Yes, you went through what you went through, and while you can't change the past, you have the power to rewrite your narrative and break free from the cycle of pain. You were left unprotected, but now it's time to prioritize your own protection. What does that look like for you? It means centering yourself—listening to your intuition, which is your connection to something greater, and honoring your experiences as guiding lights toward a different future. Center your love, your peace, your stillness, and let them guide you toward healing and growth. Today, as I stand at the threshold of a new chapter, I wear the scars of my past as badges of honor. They are a testament to the resilience and strength that reside within each of us. Though the journey may have been fraught with challenges, it has led me to a place of profound gratitude and inner peace.
Black women, my sisters, we deserve lives free from the shackles of shame. We deserve all the love and support that was denied to us, across all generations. I've come to understand that forgiveness isn't just about absolving others—it's about unraveling the layers of shame imposed upon us by systems of oppression. Our stories, intertwined with the savagery of colonization and patriarchy, reveal the seeds of shame that were planted in our souls. I resonate deeply with Audre Lorde's words: "I am not free while any woman is unfree, even when her shackles are very different from my own." Our struggles may vary, but the common thread of injustice binds us together. Many who came before us, unable to break free from their chains, passed on their pain to us. Yet, amidst the darkness, there is a glimmer of hope.
To those who feel lost in the labyrinth of their despair, know this: you are not alone. Even in the darkest of nights, there is a flicker of light waiting to guide you home. And though the journey may be arduous, the destination—a life liberated from shame and filled with love—is always worth the struggle.
Here are some affirmations to help you release the burden of shame on your healing journey.
"I release the burden of shame from my shoulders and embrace my worthiness."
"I am worthy of love and acceptance just as I am, flaws and all."
"I forgive myself for past mistakes and choose self-compassion."
"I let go of the need for external validation and find strength within myself."
"I am deserving of happiness, success, and fulfillment."
"I honor my journey and recognize that every experience has shaped me into who I am today."
"I refuse to define myself by my past. I am free to create a new narrative."
"I choose to live authentically and unapologetically."
"I release shame and embrace self-love as my birthright."
"I trust in my own worthiness and embrace the beauty of my imperfections."
I am rooting for you, deeply. I love you,
Rae Rose
